To Do

To Do:

1.) Get a video of kids doing Karaoke. (Aidan - Scooby Doo, Addison - Twinkle, Twinkle...)


Also - you'll notice on the bottom of each blog entry, I'm going to try my latest "accountability" dieting tactic. Since I'm too cheap for Weight Watchers, I hate Jenny Craig food, and I just don't have any workout buddies, I figure this is the way to go. My goal is to feel confident again by summer.
For many years of my life, I was an athlete. And for a while, I was a pretty darn good athlete. I was strong, fast, and confident. I loved to win. I reveled in the feel of my legs pumping up mountains with my teammates flying along with me. for years, I would spend a large chunk of time everyday being sweaty, muddy, and exhilarated.
And then I got injured, started student teaching, and graduated all around the same time...And I became a normal person.
And to deal with that, I had to decide if being some major athlete was really all that important to me now that I was no longer on a high school or college team. And the answer was, simply, NO. I didn't have to always be striving for some physical goal, some major event, or even to please a coach. And it felt so good to walk around without being in pain, without limping, and without feeling the effects of constant and overwhelming muscular punishment. (with asthma and flat feet, I really wasn't born to be a runner. I was of the self-made variety.) I mourned the loss of my sport, but I felt a blooming sense of relief. I no longer had to impress anyone.

Now, however, I need to impress myself. When I was pregnant, I gained a lot of weight. And even though I breastfed my daughter, the weight didn't come off like I thought it would. For the first couple of months, I started to diet and walk every day. It was a true effort that was very hard for me and my mangled body. (Addison wasn't easy on me while she was being born.) And with a colicky baby, I was on the verge of physical and emotional breakdown most days.
When I finally started to lose weight, I noticed that Addison wasn't gaining weight. My big baby was suddenly going down in percentiles. My doctor told me my diet shouldn't be a problem, but Addison still wasn't growing when we checked a week later and he was starting to get concerned.
With a sense of fear for my baby, and with a growing feeling of defeat, I opened the fridge and started knocking back the carbs and proteins. Addison gained a pound a week and was quickly pleasing the doctor with her thriving and happy appearance.
I gained the weight I had lost. I felt hopeless and resigned to my new body, but Addison was more important and I had resolved to breastfeed as long as I could.

Now that she is 21 months old, I am still stuck with the body. I want it GONE by this summer. (see the tracker at the bottom of the screen.) I don't need to win any races, conquer any mountains - but I DO want to feel ok about who I am and make it so that my weight isn't one of the foremost things on my mind anymore. I've been letting my body limit me.
NO MORE.

Today:
1200 calories
weight lift
30 minutes elliptical
100 crunchers