Wednesday, January 14, 2009

To Do

To Do:

1.) Get a video of kids doing Karaoke. (Aidan - Scooby Doo, Addison - Twinkle, Twinkle...)

Also - you'll notice on the bottom of each blog entry, I'm going to try my latest "accountability" dieting tactic. Since I'm too cheap for Weight Watchers, I hate Jenny Craig food, and I just don't have any workout buddies, I figure this is the way to go. My goal is to feel confident again by summer.
For many years of my life, I was an athlete. And for a while, I was a pretty darn good athlete. I was strong, fast, and confident. I loved to win. I reveled in the feel of my legs pumping up mountains with my teammates flying along with me. for years, I would spend a large chunk of time everyday being sweaty, muddy, and exhilarated.
And then I got injured, started student teaching, and graduated all around the same time...And I became a normal person.
And to deal with that, I had to decide if being some major athlete was really all that important to me now that I was no longer on a high school or college team. And the answer was, simply, NO. I didn't have to always be striving for some physical goal, some major event, or even to please a coach. And it felt so good to walk around without being in pain, without limping, and without feeling the effects of constant and overwhelming muscular punishment. (with asthma and flat feet, I really wasn't born to be a runner. I was of the self-made variety.) I mourned the loss of my sport, but I felt a blooming sense of relief. I no longer had to impress anyone.

Now, however, I need to impress myself. When I was pregnant, I gained a lot of weight. And even though I breastfed my daughter, the weight didn't come off like I thought it would. For the first couple of months, I started to diet and walk every day. It was a true effort that was very hard for me and my mangled body. (Addison wasn't easy on me while she was being born.) And with a colicky baby, I was on the verge of physical and emotional breakdown most days.
When I finally started to lose weight, I noticed that Addison wasn't gaining weight. My big baby was suddenly going down in percentiles. My doctor told me my diet shouldn't be a problem, but Addison still wasn't growing when we checked a week later and he was starting to get concerned.
With a sense of fear for my baby, and with a growing feeling of defeat, I opened the fridge and started knocking back the carbs and proteins. Addison gained a pound a week and was quickly pleasing the doctor with her thriving and happy appearance.
I gained the weight I had lost. I felt hopeless and resigned to my new body, but Addison was more important and I had resolved to breastfeed as long as I could.

Now that she is 21 months old, I am still stuck with the body. I want it GONE by this summer. (see the tracker at the bottom of the screen.) I don't need to win any races, conquer any mountains - but I DO want to feel ok about who I am and make it so that my weight isn't one of the foremost things on my mind anymore. I've been letting my body limit me.

1200 calories
weight lift
30 minutes elliptical
100 crunchers


tara @ kidz said...

You go girl! I started jogging this week. It's killer, but hopefully it will be worth it??

I can't wait to see the karaoke videos!

Megan said...

Thanks for stopping by and for your encouraging words. =)

Yes, this weather is insane. I'm ready for summer!

TuTu's Bliss said...

Have fun and you can't go wrong. I know there are some Weight Watching Wed. bloggers. They get together and link up every Wed. to lend support and hugs. I wish I could find the link.... I need to get on that bus but if I start using my excercise bike where will I hang my cean clothes???

Kasey said...

Hi! My name is Kasey and I found you through SITS.

We have so much in common!

I too was a college athlete. It was so much easier to workout when you had someone making you do it -wasn't it? I used to be in the best shape - even after college I ran a lot because I had friends to run with, but now I'm married with 2 children and honestly I barely have time to workout alone much less to coordinate my schedule with someone else! I do wish I had a buddy though, it would make it easier!

I am still nursing my youngest too and the pounds are not just falling off like others told me they would, but really I just want to tone up (I'm starting to get that grandma arm-yuck!)

I started a blog for myself and others that is devoted to diet, exercise, and health. I hope that it will become a place where everyone can fill supported in their efforts to get healthier! You should check it out and we can cheer each other on (and other women too)!

Sorry about taking up so much space! I'm adding you to my blog list so I can cheer for you! bye-