Slap Dash, Rainbow and Glitter Kind of People

Sometimes reading blogs can make me feel like a slob, or just really, really lame. All the women are stunning, their homes are like magazine spreads, and everyone seems to be professional photographers and homemakers. Not I.

As I reorganized my daughter's room this weekend, I thought about going all crazy and doing a massive paint and Pottery Barn conversion of her room. But then, would it really be US? I might always have a slight craving for airy, ocean colored rooms, but we're really more of a slap-dash, rainbow and glitter, barely contained in the borders of our house kind of people.

I'm the type of mom whose real life consists of a whole lot of fairy wing clean-up, dinosaurs in my shower, and finding rolls of tape routinely being put to use on my walls and random household items as modern art.

Sometimes it's exhausting just keeping us all healthy and hygienically sound. (I mean really - I think I vacuum three times more than the average Momma due to my 3 cats and golden mountain dog.)

So, I'm going to give myself a break. We may not be sophisticated or beige, but we sure are colorful.

A wide space in the hall is our "activity center" where we do math. (that's right - I'm working on creating math prodigies --- because that's how hardcore I am. Ok - to be honest, a lot more modern art is done here than actual math, but still... )

Most recent art found on my wall:

Super Aidan fighting off evil monster: (self portrait)

Super Addison fighting off evil monster: (self portrait)

artists in repose:

Every morning, I have Aidan go let the chickens out of the pen for their free range time. This morning, I went to watch him out the kitchen window and saw him prancing down the lawn looking like this:

Since a fairy party at the local library, Addison hasn't been able or willing to take off her fairy flower wreath. She wore it to the store, to church, to the Chinese Buffet, to the feed store.... etc.

(notice, she's wearing one of my little wooden dolls. This means I rock.)

Aidan was good at church, so they let him choose a prize out of a bucket. This is what he chose. Now that he is very conscious of his pinky, he spent a lot of time waving his hand around and sticking his pinky out while drinking his water at the Chinese Buffet. He looked awesome and, ummm..... colorful.

Right After a Woman Complimented Me On Having Such Well-Behaved Children

An Interesting Conversation With Addison

Addison: "Mom, why do I have little bosoms?"

Me: "Because you're a little girl."

Addison: "But they're supposed to be big."

Me: "Well, they'll get big when you're older. Right now you're a little girl so you're little all over."

Addison: "My bosoms are little, but they're supposed to be this big." (holds her thumb and pointer finger an inch apart)

Me: "Has someone been talking about bosoms at school?"

Addison: "No, I was just thinking about them."

Me: "oh."

20 miles = a million smiles

Janelle and I set out to do our 20 miles this past Saturday. I was a bit apprehensive, but knew that with company and with the scenic route, we would be ok.

Much like last time, though, the weather was starting to look a little ominous when we were about 6 miles in....

Mom, our trusty groupie, made us peanut butter balls for the journey... but when we took them out for a quick calorie boost, we were amazed at the transformation. Our peanut butter balls were now a peanut butter blob. Still tasted good, though, so we trekked on.

We picked up our pace when we noticed the nothing Creeping up from behind

When we realized that it was hopeless; we were going to be overtaken by a twister a least, and the nothing at worst, Janelle took off through the fields to avoid sure death.

She didn't get very far before the hail struck.

And then the winds started howling.

So I held on for dear life and was almost blown away.

seriously.

After the mini-storm passed us by, we had a couple of miles of blue sky. Notice that I said a couple of miles. A few more glances over our shoulders showed us that ANOTHER storm was on the way. This one was even more intense than the last.

So I asked God, "WHY?! WHY? Oh, for the love.... WHY?!"

The hail actually HURT. We had 2 kind folks stop and try to rescue us, but we nonchalantly shrugged off their help and dug in to our inner amazon strength to forge on.

(this is Janelle channeling her inner amazon...)

Here, you can actually see the streaks of hail coming down:

You can see that this cow is clearly thinking, "What the.....?" as we hustled by.

a patch of blue sky at last!

Mom and dad appeared with our kiddos, a platter of warm chocolate chip cookies, and ice water. Then they drove ahead to leave water at a couple of locations several miles further. How cool is that?!

and then a THIRD story was gearing up at our backs.

You can literally see the dark clouds rolling on the bottom right:

We ran the last mile and climbed into mom's car before this final storm could have it's way with us. Nothing makes you appreciate nature like getting out in it for a few hours with no shelter!

The Post Where I Talk about Puking, and Vampires, and Ninjas

Momma may be a tough broad, but….
She sure has a weak constitution!

I went to go see the movie “Avatar” yesterday. Initially I thought the movie had all the signs of being a nerd fest, but I was eventually swayed by the good reviews. My husband and I threw caution to the wind and decided we had to see it. On a Monday night. (craziness, I know!) Now you won’t even be shocked when I mention that he has long hair, I have tattoos, and we occasionally run with scissors…

What happened, you ask?

Well, since the movie is in 3-D, you get the super cool glasses and the whole screen is constantly twirling and swirling and jabbing out at the audience.

So I got motion sickness.

Bad.

And we had to leave because I couldn’t even sit there with my eyes closed because the pulsing and flickering lights were going to put me into a complete seizure or puke party – or something equally as interesting for all the innocent bystanders.

I’ll have to redbox it, I guess. Take away all the nausea, and I was actually enjoying myself before we took off.

On a completely random side note – We have vampires for neighbors.

Yep. Since vampires are currently all the rage, I guess this makes us super trendy, right? Get this – all the lights in the house will be out in their home until sometime around 1:00 AM and then it suddenly wakes up and looks all festive over there. (no - they don't work weird shifts or anything.) Plus, they seem to go out walking when it’s raining and grey – and avoid the sunshine. We can go weeks without seeing a single sign of them.
And to add a bloody twist, they own goats. So it’s like they could be “vegetarians” like Edward, Eh? Surviving on their goats’ blood so they don’t have to eat their scrumptious, but unwilling neighbors…..

I could be wrong, but I bet I’m not.
Then again – they could also be Vikings or Robin Hoods or something like that. The teenager wears capes, the mom and dad host parties with basket weaving and archery practice….

Anyways, I’d better keep my game on, because down the road there’s a ninja with nun chucks and

I bet there’ll be a turf war any day now.

P.S. There really is a ninja with nun chucks.

Dinner Discussion

Addison- "I'm a princess, Aidan."

Aidan - "No you're not! You're a rock star, superhero, monster truck girl."

Addison - "yeah."

Not Me, Monday

This is my first “Not me" Monday!

I’m definitely not one of those moms who lets the kids regress to sleeping in the master bed again. Nope. Not me. And it would be totally unheard of for me to just throw in the towel one night and end up sharing a popsicle with a two year old – in bed – because I couldn’t sleep either.
I’m sure most moms do this, but you would never, ever , catch me giving the kids showers with the detachable nozzle, hosing them down in the exact same manner as the family dog as I stand outside the stall, trying to keep my clothes dry…. Nope – not me. And nope – I can’t do it in 90 seconds flat, either. (although, it would be great for the environment – you must admit!)

My family outings are always idyllic (just like the rest of my life) – just a mom and dad and two kids walking along in the park and stopping at the old fashioned bakery for a fresh treat. I never have to scoop up a flailing toddler and fireman carry her to the car, muttering to myself that we must find an exorcist on the double. Nope – not me. My children are always angels.

And I’m perfect.

Christmas Cousins with a visit from "The Scowler"

My mom made these sweaters and dresses for all the cousins. Don't they look friggin' adorable?! These photos are like chocolate to me.

All the cousins:

Addison, Phoebe, Graesen, Aidan

Phoebe (aka "scowler") didn't like the way the photographer was flipping her hair to make them smile. Phoebe thought it was stupid. And weird. And downright freaky.

She made this face in every single group photo.

So, just to be fair, here is what she usually looks like:

Worlds' Cutest Kids?

Or am I just biased?

Hillbilly Christmas

So.... we've spent hundreds of dollars making a chicken fortress. And now that the weather outside is frightful and all, we even made a nice eyesore out of the darn thing by covering the whole chicken yard in tarps. It's ugly, but my ladies are dry.

Then we started noticing the past couple of weeks that something seemed to be bothering my chickens...

Something had them afraid to go in their coop at night, even when it was below freezing and they had a nice heat lamp in their cozy home.

This weekend the mystery was solved.

We've got Possums.

At least three.

And now we have to EVICT the POSSUMS.

We don't even know how the darn things got in there in the first place. Remember - it's a fortress, reinforced on top and bottom by wire mesh - a cube of wire.

But I'm a peacenik, so we've gotta do it without harming the smart little dudes. After all, they're just thinking they found the jackpot - free food, water, shelter, and even heat!

Of course the live trap didn't work.

We had to go in there like real men and take care of the problem OLD SCHOOL.

In the dark,

the pouring rain,

and with a rake as our only defense.

The chickens are surely thinking it's Armageddon as their little coop is jostled up and down like a carnival ride.

Here is a very anticlimactic video of our efforts:

Turns out I'm not such a real man when it comes to creepy crawlies at night...