Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Apparently still a cavewoman when it comes to home security

I'm a feminist.
I believe that women can do anything men can do.
In fact, a recurring debate in our household involves my husband's assertion that a woman couldn't handle being on the "Deadliest Catch" crab boat and my equally passionate assertion that a woman could, should, and would kick butt while doing it.

Anyhow.

It turns out that when the man is out of the house on a guys' only camping / quad trip, I start to feel a tad bit like a helpless cave woman. We live in the woods, so it's not entirely wimpy of me to be nervous because if I screamed, there would literally be no one within earshot.
Admittedly, I have a bit of an imagination. I think, however, anyone would get a little jumpy when they're sitting all quiet, watching a movie late at night, when something LARGE walks by the windows, throwing a huge shadow seen out the corner of your eye. So far, it's always been a deer or two, and not an axe murderer or Sasquatch, (knock on wood.) but that makes it no less creepy. So, I may be able to do most anything a man can do, but I think it's still in my cave woman nature to want one around for home security. You never know when you might need someone to club a saber tooth or a woolly mammoth for you, after all.
Actually, 4 years ago we were victims of a good old fashioned home ransacking. I came home from work one Friday to find our house, yard, and sheds completely trashed. It took a few slow seconds for everything to sink in as I saw our belongings strewn about the yard and the door that had literally been kicked in. It was a very scary few moments as I wondered if the bad guys were still around. As we waded through the ruins and tried to take inventory, it was obvious that we lived in a place remote enough for the lovely thugs to take their time as they stole every single item that was worth money, and searched for anything we might have hidden. (they tore apart beds, mattresses, dressers, filing cabinets, linen closets, etc, etc, etc. They even stole our thawing lasagna out of the fridge, as well as some sloppy joe mix!)
So, while the man is out of town, I circle the wagons each night and lock up like it's fort Knox.
Chair against bedroom door, check:

Mace and telephone, check:
Trusty guard dog to defend the children and I, check:
(yes, we all sleep in the same room when H.W.O.C.M.- home without cave man.)

Laugh all you want, but if any beasties find their way into my nest, Ranger and I are prepared to kick ass.
In other news:

6 comments:

Janelle said...

Don't let the aliens come get you while cave man is out of town. And if they do, remember how to sign S.O.S.!

foxy said...

Okay, I admit to doing the same thing when my hubs is out of town. I keep my phone and my car keys under the pillow next to me. that way, if someone comes in, I can hit the horn button on my car remote and the blazing horn will hopefully scare them off. I also have an aluminum baseball bat under my bed, just in case the rest of that fails. :)

Mad Composition said...

I am soooooo bad about home security... I don't even lock our front door 99% of the time. :-(

I can't believe those jerks STOLE YOUR DINNER! The nerve!

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh wow. I would be SO scared too. Your family is adorable. What great kids : ) I love it!

I am visiting via Enjoying the Small Things and your comment there today. So nice to meet you : )

kel said...

I am such a chicken when my hubby is out of town!! I do all those things too!!

Rebecca said...

Yes, my dog sleeps in the bed (instead of in her kennel) when my husband isn't home. It's those times I'm quite happy she's not super friendly!